A Christmas ornament. It shattered.
It was a big, clear glass bulb, with a tiny red hand print. Ryan's four-year-old hand print from 2006.
I dropped it tonight when I was putting up the Christmas tree ornaments, and it just shattered. (Yes, it's January 5th and I'm just getting around to taking down decorations- don't judge me all you December 26th put-er-uppers)
That shattered ornament made me so, so sad. Like....unreasonably sad.
Then you wanna know what happened about, oh, 2 minutes later? Right as I finished wiping the melancholy tears from my eyes to continue taking down ornaments? The bulb that Ryan's little three year old self painted in 2005 ----- had hairline cracks ALL through it!!!! As I was holding it delicately in disbelief, it just crumbled in on itself. Ugh.
I could have taken pictures, but instead opted for throwing them in the trashcan dramatically and mournfully.
I share this with you here, dear readers, because I know surely I am not alone in lamenting such things, right? I am generally not a sentimental person, but occasionally something just strikes a sad nerve.
Rabbit trail regarding the sad nerve: I remember when I was pregnant with Ryan, Jonathan had bought me a cheap $25 dollar wedding band from Wal-Mart, to replace my real wedding ring that would no longer fit over my chubby finger. One day in the shower, just days before Ryan was born, it fell off and went down the drain. I wept and cried as though I had lost a dear friend. Imagine a crazed pregnant women, pleading with her husband to take apart a drain to retrieve a $25 dollar ring. Jonathan just looked at me in disbelief, wondering what had happened to his normally sane wife. (As it turned out, I would have these kind of emotional breakdowns mere days before delivering my other two children as well. I seemed to have my postpartum breakdowns a wee bit early. What a fun pattern!)
I don't know why it seems so tragic tonight that I no longer have documentation of the size of Ryan's hand at age 4 on that pretty little ornament. I expect I'll feel sad next Christmas too, when we get out the ornaments, and he can't hold his big 8 year old hand up to the 4 year old version and see how much he's grown.
Or maybe next year I'll just wonder why I was acting like a sappy weirdee tonight.
That seems more likely.
It was very special - it lives on in my memory
Are you about to deliver a baby? ;) Sorry...you set that one up. I couldn't resist. Seriously, I'm sorry for the sad end to a special ornament.
Ha! I totally did set myself up for the baby question Sara. But nope, no more babies. :-)
I cried yesterday when I replaced Carter's 2 yr old pictures with the new one Cyndi took. Crying because my kid is no longer 2. That's unreasonable!
Oh man, I feel your sorrow tonight. Those are the ornaments that you want to keep forever. So sorry for your loss.
But hey, at least you don't have to say goodbye to your brother and best friend in less than 2 days. We are pretty much in shock over here. We just spent the entire evening packing up all of their stuff. They leave for Kenya Thursday morning.
That just made ME cry, and you know I ain't playin'!!
At my OB's office, there's a wall hanging that says this: "Becoming a mother is developing the ability to live with your heart outside your body."