Lost in Laundry

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

That was a question posed at a Women's Retreat I attended last weekend. The speaker was talking about how fear paralyzes us - fear of rejection, fear of looking foolish, fear of failure. It could go on and on really.

So this is the question I've been pondering since Saturday:

What would I do if I wasn't afraid?

I would write a book and lead training seminars for preschool volunteers.

("Preschool volunteers" as in people who volunteer to teach preschoolers at church. Not as in preschool age children who are volunteers. Although that would be fun too.)

I would write about how to effectively communicate the love of Jesus to preschoolers, because this is the one thing I think I'm pretty good at. As challenging as it can be sometimes, I am energized teaching a room full of hyped-up rowdy four and five year olds on Wednesday nights.

It breaks my heart to see a classroom out of control, or kids that look like they would rather be anywhere but church. (That only happens at other churches of course. Never my own. Ahem.)

I think it's fear of looking foolish that keeps me from attempting to write. Comparing myself to incredible writers and speakers makes me think I could never write or say anything that anyone wanted to hear. Who do I think I am anyway? What makes me qualified to tell someone how it should be done?

I fear I could not come up with anything that hasn't already been said before. I fear I could never be eloquent enough to adequetely express myself.

I also fear that I could never be organized enough to take care of my husband and children, and still somehow find time to write a book. And that one is a biggie!

So - I'm tucking that dream away for now, praying as I'm in this crazy season of raising my children and doing my best to keep the dishes and laundry clean, the dream will continue to grow. And that as my confidence grows the fear will subside!

So writing a book is one thing. There are other things I would do if I weren't afraid, but they aren't as easily articulated....

What about you? What would you do if you weren't afraid?

Hmm?

permalink | posted by Starr at 10:45 AM

7 Comments:

Queen Cash had this to say:: Wow, Starr. That's awesome. I never would have imagined that answer from you. Maybe my answer would surprise you to, since everyone seems to think I'm fearless (which is totally untrue):

I would "seal the deal" with more people who are seeking Christ. I am able to share the gospel with people all the time, either in word or song--not like the "Romans Road," but you know, telling them my story, what Christ has done for me, and watching them be astounded at that.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm not quite doing everything I should be doing. Like I'm leading the horses to water, showing them how good the water is, but then not REALLY inviting them to drink. You know? But I'm pretty certain that I'm not doing this for FEAR. Because I'm afraid they'll say no and I'll be disappointed or because I'm afraid I won't get it right, what I say. I've been praying about this lately, and it's exciting to me that God is bringing this to light in me, because maybe He's gonna fix it!!! :-) And then I might just get to see more people get saved!! (Or not, but I won't be scared of that.); May 6, 2008 at 6:25 PM
kelly had this to say:: I would totally buy your book if you wrote one. I wish you would because I am totally lost in a room full of 4 and 5 year olds, it would be helpful to me to get your expert advice.

As for me, I will have to think more about what I would do if I were not afraid. I guess right now, I would publish my next post that I have been writing the past few days. It is one of those that was thereputic to write, but I can't convince myself to hit "publish post."; May 7, 2008 at 8:54 AM
Tina had this to say:: Starr-
Interesting, I didn't attend the getaway, but got the same message. (see my blog entry "we are filled with joy") Earlier this week I read an article at msnbc regarding the new hot market being stay at home moms. Most have incredibly high credentials &/or educuation & skill levels. The combination of experience & ability with time on their hands makes them ideal.
I can completely see where that desire comes from in you, after hearing your portion of the PDO training last summer. Maybe you could start with Trinity Church-you do have an "in" with the staff!!
I can completely relate to the if I weren't afraid I'd be writing & teaching confession. And just the same, can echo the "but who do I think I am?" lie that Satan has used to inhibit me. And even with that knowledge, I remain unconvinced.
I'll pray for us!!! Wouldn't want God to be up there wondering why he gave us gifts & experiences if we aren't going to use them.; May 7, 2008 at 9:40 AM
Anonymous had this to say:: When I first read this I thought, write Starr about my confidence in her.....encourage her. The second time I read this I thought, encourage her to start small with a short talk on what is age appropriate behavior of children or on transitions during the times with preschoolers (very important and easy tools to share for maximum results). Maybe I could suggest a 'future book' journal? Jot things down that work or don't work for you and/or others....then when the time permits, you will have a great personal resourse to draw from for a training seminar or book.
Now I am thinking after reading for the third time, tell her that I support her and pray for her in all her fearful endeavers.; May 7, 2008 at 12:57 PM
The Forester Clan had this to say:: This comment has been removed by the author.; May 7, 2008 at 3:01 PM
The Forester Clan had this to say:: Right on! You and I have some of the same fears/dreams. I enjoyed reading your blog the other day as well! It's hard to think that is has almost been a year since you came and we left! The time we were there together wa too short!

See ya in the Blogs!; May 7, 2008 at 3:03 PM
Greg had this to say:: (it's danielle :) Just wanted to say that great minds think alike! I have been pondering my favorite poem lately which is along the same lines...It's "Our Deepest Fear" by Nelson Mandela, you should read it if you never have. There are TOO many things that fear has held me back from. Thank you for your blog, I truly believe God is working on me in this area and I feel this is confirmation!! LOVE YA and our friendship...can't wait to read your book (i hope it happens before Mily gets that age:); May 8, 2008 at 3:18 PM